Close, but not quite there...yet

Who Says You Cant Go Home

2007-08-27T12:45:00.000+08:00

It doesn´t matter where you are
Doesn´t matter where you go
If it´s a million miles aways or just a mile up the road
Take it in
Take it with you when you go
Who says you can´t go home

Why Cant I?

2007-08-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

Got your ticket
Got your suitcase
Got your leaving smile
Oh, I could say that's the way it goes
And I could pretend
And you won't know
That I was lying...

Yo! You know who...
This one's for you.

Even Angels Fall

2007-04-30T15:29:00.000+08:00

~ Jessica Riddle
You've found hope
You've found faith
Found how fast she could take it away.
Found true love
Lost your heart.
Now you don't know who you are.

She made it easy
Made it free
Made you hurt til you couldn't see.
Sometimes it stops
Sometimes it flows
But baby that is how love goes.

You will fly and you will crawl
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.

It's a secret no one tells
One day it's heaven
One day it's hell.
It's no fairy tale
Take it from me
That's the way it's supposed to be.

You laugh, you cry
No one knows why
Behold the thrill of it all...
You're on the ride
You might as well
Open your eyes

dedicated to an "angel" =)

Sun Up, Sun Down

2007-03-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

I know your face.
I've seen it many times before.
Yours is the face that overwhelms
my thoughts,
my dreams.

But now...
I am wishing you away.

I'll put out the silent spark
and let it fade with the dark.
I'll extinguish the fire
and let you fade out into the setting sun.

In a moment's time
I will feel the cold summer's breeze
touch my numb face
as the stillness of the early night sets in.

Who knows? ...

2007-03-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

Maybe if you try to ask me once and for all to hold on just a little bit longer, I just might do that.

Time Check

2007-02-22T14:10:00.000+08:00

Why is it that all of a sudden, my "had-been" and some "should-have-beens" show up unexpectedly with their lady loves while the one man who has my heart is so, so far away?

Must be Father Time jolting me back to consciousness.

"Time check!..."

A Way Back Into Love

2007-02-19T09:26:00.000+08:00

Saw the movie "Music and Lyrics" with my besty, Tin, over the weekend. Funny, relaxing movie, beautiful songs. We both loved the movie. Hugh Grant is so sexy... and he can actually sing! Whoever thought that he can pull off that role is a genius.

I like most of the songs from the movie but I'm singling out the song, "Way Back Into Love". The words mirror my thoughts.

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need 'em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

Gibberish

2007-02-12T19:42:00.000+08:00

Love is oftentimes lumpy or sharp-edged. Much like the shape of the heart, one side choppy, the other side pointed.

Whatever.
That.
Means.

And it's no big deal, actually. I'm just loosing my mind. You can probably tell by what you're reading.

Do. I. Care?!?

Limn

2007-02-02T12:27:00.000+08:00

Reflections

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday
It's as if i play a part
Now I see, if I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
-------------------------------
One day, I awoke from a deep, deep sleep and found out that all my masks were gone. I looked for them everywhere but I could not find them.

My masks! How can I go out into this world without those masks I have fashioned for most of my emotions.
I searched outside and the rays of the morning sun, high in the sky, streamed down my maskless face. I looked up in reaction and closed my eyes as its mild heat brought warmth and purpose to my being. At that moment, the most unexpected and incredible occurred, rousing my spirit. And I knew instantly that it is good.

Now, I am maskless.

I am at peace.

Choices

2007-01-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

Aside from making New Year's resolutions and contemplating the past year, it is also common during the start of the year for some of us to make decisions. I know a lot of people who go through this process every year. It seems that after reviewing the previous year, we have seen an aspect in our lives that we consider incomplete and we want to make it our goal for the coming year to make up and to prioritize. These are usually not the "small stuff" decisions but the tough ones that are life changing. The decision-making process can be intimidating, time-consuming and painstakingly difficult especially if we are left with options of "seemingly" equal weight. But this is so much better than having no option at all. I should know. I've been to both sides of the road. But as a year-starter, I have made mine.

Which is the better choice? Which will complete me? Is it Tom Cruise or Jerry Maguirre? The answer is quite obvious, you may say. You really think? It's not the same for me. It's not the same for everyone, I say.

We are the choices we make. I believe that it is what made our differences. Our choices. Throughout our lifetime, I believe that somehow, originally, we all have the same sets of hopes, problems and aches, only in different forms. In the same way, we are also presented with the same sets of choices. Through our lifetime, too, because of how we were raised, the circumstances in our lives which are also the result of the choices made by the people around us and the genes we received from our parents and some other things I cannot think of right now, we act and choose differently.

I believe, too, that there are no wrong choices because life is a learning process. As long as we get to our goals no matter how long. As long as we learn how to get there. It shouldn't matter. Besides, I don't really believe in regrets. All my experiences, even those that didn't turn out the way I wanted them to, I honestly believe they were all worth it.

Disclaimer: I'm a little confused about my details right now, but my mind is clear on the more important ones. I can assure you.

Princess Hours

2006-12-31T19:26:00.000+08:00

What am I doing on New Year's Eve surfing the net? Hmm...

I happen to be addicted to the new Korean telenovela, Princess Hours, being shown Mondays through Thursdays on ABS-CBN and I am getting as much information as I can about it. I am so anxious to know how's it going to end and who's going to end up with whom. The scenes I've watched so far are so funny and cute. I've been downloading pictures for an hour already. (wahehe)

The four-some is trivial. Janelle is so lovable and Troy is to-die-for!!! Although I prefer Prince Troy over Prince Gian, I think I am going to love this romantic-comedy and I am making it a habit to be at home even if I have to move heaven and earth. Too bad, I was not able to watch the pilot episode. I'm sure there will be a replay. If not, I hope there are DVD's available in the market already.

I Would Love

2006-12-18T17:09:00.000+08:00

To fly...
Spread these futile wings anew
And soar up high towards my sun.

To feel...
The blowing wind
The downwash behind the lead's wing.

To welcome...
The scorching sun
The pouring rain
The solitude of the forest
The company of a flock.

To once again
take a sip of freedom days
long gone

You'll Be Surprised What You Can Handle

2006-12-17T12:48:00.000+08:00

Two major storms passed through recently. I got over the first one in no time at all. It was anticipated, after all. Still, it is quite a blow. It's not the actual experience that is jolting but the details of the incident. I have proven two important points though:
1) God's delays are never God's denials. Up until that time, I have taken it for granted that I've been forgotten. It's funny how life's events unfold to show us the wisdom in His plans. When God does not give us what we want, it is because what we want is not the best for us.
2) Although I know little about this person, I have come to admire the person even more. Because it takes a lot of courage to accept and embrace being yourself especially when our society dictates or labels that "who we are" is not right. Here's to those who are different, those who do not accept the available boxes and pigeon holes and who won't give up their identity or dignity.

About the second storm, I have to congratulate myself for being human. And one day, I know I will see the comic strip behind this disaster.

I see another storm coming and I'm bracing myself. This time, it's for me to decide. Two equally weighty options. One daunting task. I hope I decide for the best. Not only for everyone involved but primarily for myself. So, goodluck to me.

Another Reason to Come Home... and Stay

2006-12-11T16:59:00.000+08:00

First of all, this post is long overdue. Thanks very much to our internet account in GT which was blocked because I've been itching to post since Tuesday!!!

Oh...well. Here's the nice part:

----------------------------------------

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce, Aeon Miguel Mar, my first ever nephew in the history of mankind. =) He was born between 11 to 12 in the morning on December 4, Year of the Dog by Caesarian section.

Baby Aeon at 5 days old.

Baby Aeon at 6 days old.

Little Aeon at 7 days old.

Everyone thinks that he totally takes after my brother but I think that he got his eyes from Kim, my sister-in-law. Anyways, it's still too early to tell. Isn't he adorable?

I could not recall one moment in my existence when I was envious of my brother. But today, while I was holding little Aeon in my arms for the first time and smelling his sweet baby scent, I was.

Tomasino Po!!!

2006-12-07T18:31:00.000+08:00

Tagged again by Daei...

Reminiscing USTe moments.

1. San building mo? St. Martin de Porres (Medicine bldg)

2. Course mo? BS Nursing

3. Center of excellence ba yun? Duh? The best nursing school in the country??? (at least, during our time)

4. Nakagulong ka na ba sa main field? Sa may Grandstand ba yun? Di. Pero dun ko nakita si Pope John Paul II. Yup, Tomasino na ako nung time na yun.

5. Anong masasabi mo sa bagong fountain sa USTe? Meron ba? Di pa nakakabalik. 5 years na.
6. Nakapag-internet ka na ba sa Central Lib? Di ko na po inabutan yun.

7. Nag-friendster ka? Ang kulit!

8. Nakakain ka na ba sa lahat ng kainan sa Carpark? Sa harap ba ito ng UST Hospital? Meron ba kainan dun? Nag park lang kami noon. Pinaalis pa ng guard. (Bawal daw kasi mag stay sa loob ng car. hehe)

9. Kumakain ka rin ba sa may Dapitan? Oo naman. Sa may D' Sizzling (ata, di ko sure) at Tinapayan

10. Sinong paborito mong prof? Dean Maralit. Di pa sya dean nang naging Clinical Instructor ko sya. Pero cool na sya nun. =)

11. Paboritong subject? English at Algebra. Kaya hindi ako nag practice ng pagka nurse, eh.

12. Maka-Growling Tigers ka ba? Tama ba namang itanong yan?

13. Nameet mo na ba yung players ng USTe? Hindi ko na meet pero meron parade after ng first sweep namin noon. (As in sweep from the first game to the finals. O di ba? ASTIG!!!) Sina Bal David, Rey Evangelista, Siot Tanquincen, Patrick Fran and Dennis Espino pa noon ang mga superheroes ng Tigers. Grabe!!! Crush na crush ko noon sina Tanquincen and Fran!

14. Naka-akyat ka na ba sa isa sa mga puno sa Botanical Garden? Ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko na umakyat sa mga puno doon. Pero masarap mag stay dun kasi presko at maganda sa pandinig ang awit ng nga kulisap. Yaay!

15. Nakapagsimba ka na ba sa simbahan dun? Duh! Palagi kaya me solemn investiture noon sa college namin. At lahat yata ng ocassion, preceeded by a mass. At saka sa may Sta. Catalina lang ako nag dorm. Pag di ko inabutan ang 6:30 mass sa Sta. Catalina, dun na ako nagsisimba.

16. student number mo? 92080246. Oh my gosh! Saulado ko pa.

17. Saan ka nag test ng USTET? Sa may Highschool building.

18. Mahirap ba USTET? Chicken, actually. I knew then and there that UST will be my alma mater.

19. Anung org mo? Red Cross and Pax Romana

20. Masaya ba? No idea. Hanggang register lang kasi ako para may mailagay sa yearbook. hehe

21. Nagkaroon na ba ng kuwenta sayo yung UST Health Services? Yup. Binigyan nila ako ng antibiotic for my week-old fever. Eh bigla ako nagka reaction. Ayun, dahil sa UST Health Service, nagkaroon ako ng allergy sa penicillin. Helpful di ba?

22. Naranasan mo na bang magpractice ng kahit ano sa grandstand? Ay, oo. Nagpractice ako mag volleyball doon kasi kung hindi babagsak ako sa P.E.!!!

23. Excited ka ba sa 400th year ng USTe? Ok lang. Balita ko merong mga bagong campuses both within and outside the country pa. Bah, asenso ah.

24. Bakit ka nag aral sa USTe? Dun ako pumasa.

25. Kabisado mo na ba yung UST Hymn? Let's see. "God of all nations, merciful Lord of our restless being. Sweep with you golden lilies...." Hanggang dun lang ang natatandaan ko pero di ko sya na memorize. Masyado kasi malalim. Di ko maintindihan.

May kulang...

26. May boyfriend ka ba na seminarian? =)

Pisces

2006-11-30T19:08:00.000+08:00

Who prays and serves
and prays some more?
And feeds the beggar at the door
And weeps over the love lost long before?
It is the Pisces

From: Findyourfate.com

He's-Not-A-Jerk-After-All

2006-11-30T13:29:00.000+08:00

This realization completely threw me. Maybe he is not a jerk after all. The cold hard truth can be that he is not interested that's why the inattention.

But there's a part of me that tells me otherwise. I still want to hold on to that dream for a little while more. At the same time, I do not want to wake up one day and find out that chance has passed me by.

I have stumbled upon the lyrics of this song by Rascall Flatts:

What hurts the most
was being so close
and havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
and never knowin'
what could've been
and not seein' that lovin' you
is what I was trying to do.

Funny how I can relate to anything right now. It must be the weather. And of course, I need to blame it on something else other than myself. That can only work for so long.

P.S.

I will try my best not to make another mushy post. Today, I just can't help it.

Christmas List

2006-11-27T09:22:00.000+08:00

Christmas is upon us. Not that I believe in every detail heaped upon the Christmas story, but Christmas traditions have been celebrated for as long as any of us can remember and there's no denying the contagiously optimistic and extravagant spirit it brings. One of which is gift-giving.

Yup, I agree that it's the thought that counts but don't you think it would be perfect when you get the gifts that you really wish for? (Now we get to the part that I really like.) To make your gift-hunting concerns one person easier, here's a list of gift ideas just for moi: ;o)

below-the-knee skirt - I want a simple cut, no pompous designs. My size is small or 26"
"Circles" or "First Born" paperback by Doris Mortman
DVD/VCD original copy of Ella Enchanted
DVD/VCD original copy of the 1st or 2nd season of Gilmore Girls
DVD/VCD original copy of any Boney M Christmas album
body pillow
any book by the following authors: Paulo Coelho, Malcolm Gladwell, Mitch Albom, Shannon Hale
any book that you would recommend

May the spirit of giving be with you during this season of love. READ: Dapat before 25 na receive ko na yung gift ko. hehe! Demanding!!!P.S.Daei, si Tin daw, gusto ng USTe jacket (P800)!

I-Still-Think-He-Is-A-Jerk

2006-11-26T09:13:00.000+08:00

There is this person who has profoundly disturbed my peace of mind...

And I still think that he is clueless after every embarassing thing I did just so he'd know. The jerk is so far removed from reality that he does not see what's right in front of him!!!

Actually, for the first time in a long, long while I see somewhat positive signs but no concrete evidence so far. I was told not to assume. I have learned never to assume. It could still be anything between pregnancy and dengue fever so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. But if I'd be asked what best would make my Christmas, I won't think twice.

DON'T I WISH!

Match-up

2006-11-20T09:45:00.000+08:00

Got home just in time to watch the live telecast of the Pacquaio-Morales 'Grand Finale' show down. I have only one thing to say about that match-up. That is a rather malnourished-looking man inside the boxing ring fighting our very own Pacman. My heart almost went out to him.

Tagged

2006-11-17T13:19:00.000+08:00

The Charles Schulz Principle

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

Mrs. Fajota and Mrs. Salvador - my Grade V and Grade VI advisers, respectively, who have diligently prepared us for highschool life.

Mrs. Acayan - former highschool principal, who is a walking library of practical knowledge.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

Sta. Catalina roommates, Carol, Arnie, Jen and Lizette - They took me to the hospital when I had allergic reactions to penicillin the day before the first day of midterms exam. If my memory serves me right, I was then so afraid of the intravenous injection I had to ask one of them to hold my hands right before the procedure was done. They took turns watching over me while reviewing until my mother arrived from the province.
Melanie - My sister. She can be very sensible when necessary like when I was nursing a broken heart.
Tin - What we have gone through and what we're still going through is like the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan (a daily battle ground) and so far we are still surviving.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
Papa and Mama - family values
Ate Hilda - The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Respect it and heed its warning signals.
Mimie - the value of saving, proper timing and the right connections
Mrs. Trinidad - work values
Bo Sanchez - to "Live simply so that other's may simply live."

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
Mrs. Olivia Ferry - former country manager of IMS Health Philippines where I used to work and president of Zonta International. Although I cannot prove it, I am certain I did not win the Little Mermaid tickets by chance. She made that happen.
And of course, there's this guy... (i'm keeping my fingers crossed)

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Micca - When I'm with her, I feel young and carefree again. She is my three-year-old companion whenever I'm home, my one-man barkada in Castillejos.
Bunny - She's been working in Ireland for three years already and I miss going out with her so much.
Tin - When it's the 15th or the end of the month and we are together, our salaries go 'poof'. What we do together? We pig-out, we try on dresses, shoes and stuff, we watch movies until the wee hours of the morning and we hang out in Powerbooks until we are asked to leave. (Sinabi na kasing bawal mag pictorial, eh)

And now, I'm tagging Tin.

Hello, Mai... test

2006-11-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

test post

Oops! Lady bug, workaholic and idiot...

Do I have to remind myself again that working while playing makes for a very dull day and a very perplexed state of mind? This post (Ugh! where's the Title control?!#) and that statement just proved itself right, eh? Meaning I need to go home now (it's almost eleven) and somehow I realize that this is not how I imagined my first Blogger post to be.

What the heck! Shit happens. Get used to it.